Marriage, being a noble cause and necessity for a decent living and home-making, helps expand the wings of Matrimonial relationship far beyond, crossing every border every religion, region, caste and creed. Marriage is the legitimate means of making the family develop and expand on the universe with responsibilities shouldered shared, and delegated on to the progeny, generation to generation. Shaadmaani the extreme Matrimonial Happiness is achieved by the mankind, irrespective of its Region, Religion, Belief or Color with a sole and noble aim to get together every eligible male and female into the bond of a Marriage Bliss - a happy start of their life afresh, an entirely new experience, exploration and expansion of their horizon in the right direction.
It is observed in India and in sub-continents the phenomena of Dowry System that has been prevailing amongst every society and its side and bad effects on the daily lives of the people, who are involved and on those who are around. Let us analyze as to how this practice of Demanding Dowry developed over the years:
When Princesses of a dynasty got married, the Daddy-King offered, out of overwhelming joy, a part of his wealth and his State to his Sons-in-Law. His Ministers maintaining neat protocol to their levels also followed this regal practice. On the sight of such a grandiose wedding functions and ostentatious material, high-ranking officers too wished to offer something to the new comers to their family via wedlock. They offered gold if not diamonds, household articles if not ancient artifacts, employment with the government if not property. The public in general, irrespective of rich and poor, followed this showy practice to maintain 'prestige' and felt great at par with the still rich society.
This dubious matrimonial tradition however, seeped into the homes of the poor and downtrodden people to muster a false respect. By then there was already present a guilty conscious feeling of giving birth to and fostering of girl children. Also the growing percentage of female births over male children contributed its share to the corrupt system. The fact that every home having more girls than boys alarmed the elders make hurry in giving their daughters in marriage. This created a ground for competition. This attitude paved the way for the grooms and their parents to demand Dowry of their choice.
The Dowry system has recently become so popular that every groom felt proud and gaudy on the number of items, weight of gold and amount of money he received. The parents of the girls too sighed in relief over gifting their sons-in-law with such things. They relaxed indebted because their daughters will be well respected and best treated by their in-laws, as compared to their counterparts. The daughters too take pride in grabbing so much from their parents and loose no opportunity to highlight their material superiority over other girls of their position in the family they enter. The less adorned daughter feels small of the situation and either quarrels with her in-laws or pesters her parents to give her more so that she could also gain equal respect in the family of her husband. These skirmishes within the family engulf every member and take shapes to different dimensions, such as division of families, separation of couples, divorce, endless enmity, court cases, loss of happiness, and personal feud.
You could see the women acting like enemies of women in almost all the families while they start the talk of marriage. The boy's mother often makes the entire family silent by one sweep of her tongue in bargaining for the money and gold ornaments she would prefer her daughter-in-law to bring in and deposit with her. A few mothers argue that they too brought such things when they got married and a few rearrange the in-laws' ornaments into a give-away dowry for their own daughters, thus inviting trouble and unwanted remarks from the daughter-in-law and her family.
Covetousness, fondness for easy money, false prestige among friends' circles etc. make a boy to beg dowry from the girl's parents. He doesn't realize that he is selling himself by behaving like a male-prostitute for an amount disproportionate to his status. He behaves like an obedient child, who never crossed the Lakshman Rekha (a line drawn by Rama's brother before Seeta asking her not to cross this line) any time drawn by his parents, till he receives the dowry in full.
Ponder over the plights of the parents who cannot afford to pay hefty dowry on Wedding that is demanded from them disproportionately, by the Groom's family or by the Groom himself.
Due to the Dowry system the marriage becomes burden.
It is heartening to note the fact that it is the Demand of Dowry which creates hatred towards female child and misguides the parents to kill the female newborns, instigate forcible abortions, develops cracks in the unity of the family, spoils good relationship between couples, ends in enmity, causes gas stoves to blow up, and brings death to the young brides. Due to the Disproportionate Dowry System the marriage becomes a burden, prostitution becomes very easy and the married-life takes shape of a hell.
The Middle East Dowry System is working in the reverse order. Here the Demand of Dowry comes from the Bride's side. The Hefty and unjustified demands make spinsters many a thousand girls, who otherwise could have well settled in their Married Life achieving Matrimonial Bliss throughout. Boys struggle for years to get married. Wealthy families easily get their male children wedded, whereas the poor and middle class boys take years to work hard and save for their marriage.
A Law of the Land will not be sufficient to curb this demonic practice. Any family, which goes to get their boy married, must understand that begging Dowry is not a Royal Practice or prestige in the society but a curse to them and a sin committed by them. This would definitely lower the status of the boy and his family. The boy-turned-groom must apprehend that easy money will never give him uplift to his life and he must be sensible to look into the economical standards of the girl's family. The relatives and in-laws must stop passing awkward and degrading comments taking a moral responsibility to appreciate and adjust with any shortfalls resulting due to an expensive and delicate new relationship. Then only this devilish Dowry demanding practice will be curbed or routed out and many unmarried will have their lives simplified and scorn-free from the in-laws.
While not opposing voluntary and proportionate give-away Dowry by parents to and for their children - newly wed couples, everyone must abhor and oppose Any Demand that is put forward as a pre-condition for marriage.
All responsible parents must encourage to discarding such an evil practice and making humble efforts towards the Noble Cause of getting their children wedded to live and lead a happy-married-life, with peace of mind.
Naeem Syed is the Founder And CEO of Shaadmaani.Com. A Social Worker And Responsible Citizen of India, Naeem Syed has a couple of Websites for the benefit of Citizens of this world. He writes on Social Issues and Cultures.
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